things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
