do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
