Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
