Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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