What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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