low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His nipple licking is glorious
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