Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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