If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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