You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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