I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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