Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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