I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
