we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
