i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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