Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
