I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
