It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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