just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
