my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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