Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
