Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
