i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
