I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
