Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
