is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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