This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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