he puts the penis in happiness.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
