I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
