I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
