the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
