Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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