You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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