Buhtt sex?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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