Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
