happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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