i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
