I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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