I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
