I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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