you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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