There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
