Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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