We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize