i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
