I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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