He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
