So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
