My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
