I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
