I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
