at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
