do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
