Quick, to the slutcave!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
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Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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