mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
