Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
