In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
