He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
another moral hangover. fuck.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
