Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
