There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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