Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
